


Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out

by SordidFood



Category: Sorted (Website) RPF
Genre: Drug Use, LSD, M/M, Mentions of Mike/Jamie, implied ot5, mentions of BDSM, mentions of OT5, mentions of polyamory, microdosing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24079720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SordidFood/pseuds/SordidFood
Summary: James is looking for a way to deepen his relationship with Ben, and finds it in the most unexpected place.
Relationships: James Currie/Ben Ebbrell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I 100% do not condone illegal drug use. I am not an expert on microdosing. This story is meant for entertainment value alone.
> 
> (Thank you to the Sorted Discord for all their help and encouragement on this)

Ben is, inarguably, a good sub. A fantastic sub, really. He’s vocal, he pays attention, listens to instructions, and is just obstinate enough to make things interesting. And when Ben goes into subspace, it is a thing of beauty. James loves watching his expression change from focused to one of pure bliss when that happens. 

But… it never happens with James. Not  _ just _ with James, anyway. James has seen Ben slip into subspace when they are all in a group setting, Dom duties being shared amongst them. He’s observed Jamie and Mike bring him to that point, and even Barry. Ben seems to slip so easily into that floaty feeling with them, but when it’s just him and James… he never gets there.

It’s not like Ben has ever dropped with him either, though, something he can’t say about the others, but he’s never reached that point where he’s out-of-his body and metaphorically flying. James considers himself a very conscientious and careful dom. He prides himself on being empathetic to his sub’s wants and needs and equally demanding and praising. Hell, he was the one who walked the others through D/s dynamics in the first place. Why can’t he get Ben to that point?

James brings this up to Ben, of course, asks if perhaps he’s doing something wrong or if Ben isn’t enjoying himself, something Ben adamantly denies. 

“James, I love you,” Ben assures. “You’re amazing.” 

“Could I be doing something more?” He asks. Ben simply gives him a pained look and shrugs.

“If I knew, I’d tell you, I just… I mean, I  _ enjoy _ what we do. I really do. You don’t need to change that.” It’s a placating response, but James still isn’t satisfied. This is a problem he can solve, he’s sure of it. 

In his spare moments he researches the psychology of D/s relationshis and getting into subspace. He comes to see it as something perhaps outside the sexual or controlling aspects of a scene. 

Maybe it’s deeper. Why can Ben get into subspace with Jamie, Barry and Mike and not him? The only difference James sees is that he’s known Ben for about a decade less than the others. 

This is where the first inklings of an idea begin to form. 

That early relationship Ben formed with the other three clearly had an impact on him. Jamie, Mike and Barry have seen Ben in his awkward phases and embarrassing situation. They’ve seen him in his worst states in his early 20s, drunk and out of control. While James has seen Ben drunk, it’s nothing compared to the stories he’s heard of them in their late teens/early 20s, when limits were non-existent and you often ended up vulnerable and in your friends' care. 

James knows alcohol isn’t the answer here. That ship has sailed. But drugs perhaps…?

* * *

“ _ Microdosing _ ?” Ben looks up at James, very confused. “Drugs? James that’s very irresponsible in a scene-”

“I don’t mean in a scene.” James quickly offers. “Not really. I want… I’d like to see if maybe we can tap into something while you’re under the influence.” James knows it’s a hard sell; if he were on the other side of the matter, it would be a firm “no”, but he’s trying to think outside the box here. 

Ben still looks doubtful. “I don’t like smoking,” he says. “I’ve read up on the benefits of CBD-”

“If you’d do marijauna, we’d make it an edible,” James assures. “But I was more thinking… LSD?” Ben’s eyes go wide.

“What?”

“LSD. Acid.” James supplies.

“I know what it is,” Ben says. “Are you serious? How would you even get it?” James gives a small shrug.

“I have a guy,” he says. Not entirely true, but he knows someone who has talked about experimenting with it and thinks he might have an “in.” Close enough. 

“A  _ guy _ ?” Ben raises an eyebrow. “I don’t know about this, James.” 

“It’s a new thing in the tech world, big in Silicon Valley,” James continues. “Microdosing LSD in order to tap into creativity and relaxation.”

“Are you saying I’m not creative?” Ben asks, pouting a bit. 

“In the kitchen, you’re fine. We-” James swings a finger between the two of them. “-Need that creativity. It’s supposed to help relationships, too.” Ben frowns again. 

“What if... What if I break my brain or something?” He asks quietly. “What if I have a bad experience?”

“That’s why I want to do microdosing,” James says. “Small amounts of the drug. I’d stay sober. We’d stay dressed. I’d look after you.” From Ben’s concerned expression, James can tell that he's asking a lot from his partner. 

“I need to think about this,” He says. Looking down. James nods. 

“Of course.” he replies. “I means, if you  _ would  _ rather do an edible or molly-”

“How do you know so much about drugs?” Ben asks, brows drawn together. James shrugs.

“Google.” he says. “Just think it over. If this doesn’t work, we’ll try and come up with other ideas.”

“I’m not saying no,” Ben says after a moment. “I’m not. I need to think. I just… I just don’t understand why you want this. Explain that, please. What do you want out of this?” James runs a hand through his hair. 

“I just want you to be able to relax with me like you do with the others,” He admits sadly. Ben moves forward and wraps his arms around James’s middle. 

“I’ll read up on it and give you an answer in a few days, ok?” he says. James smiles and kisses the top of Ben's hairs. 

“Thank you, Ben.” Ben looks up at him.

“You think this will really help?”

“It might,” James says with a shrug. He really doesn’t want to force Ben into a situation he’s uncomfortable with. He’s just throwing ideas out there and seeing which one sticks. Maybe fisting would have the same effect. Who is he to say?

* * *

Ben doesn’t really know how to react to James’s request. On one hand, it’s very admirable that James wants to address his insecurity and take steps to fix the issue (not that Ben sees it as an issue. He has a wonderful time with James, even if he doesn’t go into sub space). He does look up the research on microdosing and there are actual Stanford studies on it. A lot of time and research has gone into the matter. Maybe James is onto something.

On the other hand… Drugs? Really? It seems a little extreme. 

Ben does the only thing he can think of to do- He talks to Jamie.

“He wants you to do drugs??” Jamie asks, the look of confusion and dismay on his face matching Ben’s own mood. “Was he taking the piss?”

“No,” Ben shakes his head. “He was serious.” Jamie frowns thoughtfully.

“I can’t believe it’s  _ James _ of all people who brought up drug use.” he says. “My money would’ve been on Barry.”

“But you don’t care that it’s drugs?” Ben asks. 

“Oh, I care,” Jamie replies. “I’d be very upset if he was trying to get you addicted or take advantage of you.” Ben shakes his head. 

“It doesn’t sound like he is. He doesn’t even want to have sex during it.” Jamie sighs and turns to Ben, taking his hands. 

“Last year, in Ibizia, Mike and I tried ecstacy for the first time.” Ben’s jaw drops open. 

“You what?!” He’s stunned, not by the fact that they did drugs, but that he’s just finding out now. 

“We were at a club and Mike… Mike suggested it.” He says it with the same affectation as if Mike had suggested grabbing Shawarma after a night out. 

“How...How was it?” Ben asks, a little afraid of what the answer might be. Jamie kind of laughs. 

“I was expecting it to be an all-night fuck fest, but we ended up just sitting on one of the couches in the club and petting each other for hours.” Ben doesn’t have a hard time imagining it; Jamie and Mike are overly-tactile with each other sober, so getting high and petting each other isn’t much of a stretch. 

“And talking,” Jamie adds. “Although I’d be hard pressed to remember the actual conversation. It was a bit of a bonding experience, actually. Just tapping into every wonderful thing I feel for Mike and… amplifying it.” Ben nods and considers this. 

“Have you done it since?” He asks. Jamie shakes his head. 

“It's a bit harder to come across here,” he says. “At least for us, you know?”

“And… and you think I should do this with James?” Jamie shrugs.

“That’s just my experience, Ben, completely anecdotal, but if you want to do it, I’ll support you.” Jamie gives his hands a squeeze. “Would you like for me to talk to James as well?” 

“I kind of would, yes,” he says with a nod. “I’m still worried.” Jamie pulls him into a hug. 

“I know, love. It’s ok to be worried.” Ben sinks deeper into Jamie’s arms. 

“It’s just…” Ben starts.

“Hmm?”

“What if I say or do something embarrassing and James sees me in a different way?” Jamie chuckles lightly. 

“Ben… Mike, Baz, and I have seen you in some pretty embarrassing situations over the years,” He says. “And you’ve seen us make fools of ourselves as well, usually on a daily basis.”

“Yeah,” Ben replies with a smile. 

“Do you see us differently?” Jamie asks. “Love us less?”

“‘Course not,” Ben says.

“Well, it’s the same for us,” Jamie gives Ben an extra squeeze. “James won’t feel any different about you. He loves you, that won’t change, I’m sure, but I’ll still talk to him if you like.” Ben lets out a small sigh of relief; he really doesn’t know what he did to end up with partners as wonderful as the other four.

“Thanks, Jay,” he says. 

“You don’t have to thank me.” Jamie presses a kiss to Ben’s forehead. “It’s what I’m here for.”

* * *

Jamie does as he says he would and speaks to James about Ben’s concerns, as well as telling him about his and Mike’s experience in Ibiza (Something James was surprisingly disapproving of, mostly due to the fact that neither of them were sober in case something went wrong). 

“I just want to make sure you’re prepared for this.” Jamie says. “Ben is naturally curious and I think that will lead him following through on this. I don’t want him to have a bad time.” James nods in understanding.

“Jamie, I am controlling the dosage, I’ll administer everything.” James tells him. “I’ve been doing lots of research and I have a trustworthy source.”

“If anything goes wrong,  _ anything at all,  _ call us please,” Jamie insists. “We might be able to help, even if we don’t have much experience.” James nods again.

“Of course,” he says. “Now, can we talk about you and Mike buying drugs off a stranger like a pair of idiots!”

* * *

As Jamie had predicted, Ben does say yes. They decide to meet on a Friday evening after work at James’s place. Ben will have a full two days to recoup afterward, just in case there are some unexpected side effects. 

He is anxious the entire day before they meet up, his stomach in knots. It’s only through Jamie’s pressing that he’s able to eat lunch. A little bit of that anxiety slips away that evening, though, as soon as James opens the door to his place and draws Ben into a familiar hug. 

“Hi,” He whispers into Ben’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Nervous,” Ben admits. 

“That’s ok,” James draws back and looks at him. “It’s ok to be nervous. I’ve got everything prepared.” Ben steps into James’s home and looks around. The living room is tidy and there is a pitcher or water and orange juice on the table. James is dressed casually, barefoot in Jeans and one of his soft gray t shirts. Ben had opted for a zip-up hoodie, not sure how formal one should dress for something like this. 

“I’m glad you came,” James says, stepping up to Ben and taking his hands.

“I almost didn’t,” Ben looks away shyly. The entire trip to James’s flat, he’d gone back and forth on backing out, only deciding the second he’d stepped out of the uber. 

“You could’ve… I mean, you still can,” James rushes out. “We can just have dinner and-”

“No, I want to, James,” Ben smiles up at him. “Really. I do.” James smiles at him and tips his head toward the dining room. 

“C’mon.” There is a small vile set on his table, filled with a clear liquid. That must be it. 

“Where did you get a hold of this?” Ben wonders aloud.

“A friend from Uni,” James answers. “From my ComSci course. He’s into this type of thing.” Ben nods as if, yes, this is all perfectly sensible. James picks up the vile. 

“This entire vile is a full dose,” he explains. “I’m going to drop 1 ml onto your tongue. That will be 1/10th of a dose.”  _ He makes it sound so simple, _ Ben thinks.

“Do I need to… drink something with it?”

“You can wash it down with water or juice,” James says. “No alcohol, ok?”

“But it needs to be taken straight?” Ben asks. James nods. 

“That’s what I’ve read.” 

“Can I have a glass of juice, then?” James pours out a glass of juice and sets it on the table. 

“So, what happens after I take it?”

“I was thinking I’d cook us dinner,” James says. “We can talk and eat. The effects are said to be subtle. The drug mimics serotonin in your brain so you’ll feel-”

“Happy,” Ben finishes, nodding in understanding, “I can help with the cooking, if you like.” James raises an eyebrow. 

“I think I’d rather handle the knives and heat today.” he replies. Ben opens his mouth to argue, but he can see that James’s is just being reasonable and safe. 

“Fine,” he agrees. “But don’t expect me to stay quiet about your cooking.” James lets out a soft laugh that dissolves the last bits of Ben’s tension. 

“I never would,” he says. A silence falls between them and then Ben clears his throat. 

“I think I’m ready.” James takes a deep breath and picks up the vile and the eyedropper off the table. He carefully unscrews the cap from the vile and carefully withdraws 1 ml of the liquid. 

“Open up, sweetheart,” he whispers. Ben opens his mouth and lets his tongue lay flat. James cups his jaw tenderly, his fingers cool against Ben’s skin, and drops the liquid onto his tongue. Ben grimaces at the taste and reaches for the juice, taking a sip to wash it down. 

“Not so bad,” he says. His tongue feels slightly warm where it dropped, like a bit of novocaine at the dentist. Otherwise… nothing. 

“If you’re expecting immediate results, you’ll be disappointed,” James says wryly, as if reading his mind. 

“You know me too well,” Ben says, a bit embarrassed. He’s never dropped acid before; of course he expected immediate results. 

“Shall I start cooking?’ James asks, moving into the kitchen. Ben watches him prepare dinners and drinks the rest of his juice as they make idle conversation. It’s oddly pleasant, being cooked for and looked after like this. He still offers James tips or advice, often met by a sly remark or an amused eye roll, but really Ben doesn’t even have to lift a finger. 

James plates up the dishes beautifully. Ben keeps expecting the walls to start melting or butterflies to start flying around the room. But there are none. He feels… exactly the same. 

“Are you feeling alright?” James after they’ve finished eating, clearing away dishes. Ben shrugs. 

“I feel fine,” he says. “Much the same, really. Full from dinner.” He pats his stomach.

“So no room for dessert then?” James asks. Ben looks at him like he’s crazy.

They eat dessert in the living room and talk. Really, that’s all they’ve done all night- talk. Music plays in the background over and Ben has his feet resting in James’s lap. He’s not really sure what the effects of this are supposed to be. He had looked it up a little bit beforehand, but the results were all vague on what to expect. He feels happy, but he always feels happy with James. How can he tell if there is any difference. 

James starts to idly rubs Ben’s feet and Ben sinks deeper into the couch cushions. 

“This is so strange,” he says. 

“How so?” 

“We’re not having sex,” Ben leans his head back. “We always have sex.” James’s hands pause. Ben lifts his head and glances at James. He looks… sad. 

“We do, don’t we?” he says. “I think this may be the first proper date we’ve ever been on.” Ben swings his legs down and crawls up toward James, cuddling under his arm. 

“Don’t be upset, James.” He takes James’s hand in his and winds their fingers together. “I love having sex with you.” He looks up at James and then moves forward, kissing him deeply. 

“Not tonight,” James says, pushing him back. “I promised both you and Jamie.” Ben pouts, but nods and curls back under James’s arm. He feels comfortable. So comfortable. Just as comfortable as waking up late on a Sunday morning. 

“We can go out tomorrow night,” James offers. “If you feel up to it. Someplace fancy, a proper date.”

“I don’t need fancy,” Ben replies, kissing James’s fingers. “This is perfect… Can I cook for you, maybe?” James opens his mouth and then shuts it again, smiling. 

“I’d love that,” he says. Ben grins brightly.

They lay there for a long while, James asking from time to time if Ben would like water or juice. Ben feels so adored, just chatting and cuddling with James like this. He doesn’t even realize how late it is until he yawns and catches a glimpse of the clock. 

“2 am?” 

“Yeah, it’s bedtime,” James says, “C’mon.”

“Noooo, don’t want to move,” Ben whines. 

“You have to, sleepyhead.” 

“But you’re so warm and comfy,” Ben tightens his hold on him. James laughs lightly and helps Ben to his feet, leading him to the bathroom to get washed up for bed. 

Ben still doesn’t feel high- just sleepy and in love with this large ginger man who is so good to him. 

Once they are both tucked in into bed, Ben turns in James’s arms to face him. “I really do love you. You’re so good to me.” James kisses his forehead. 

“I love you, too,” he whispers. “Thank you for trusting me. I mean it. This meant so much to me.” Ben curls closer against James. 

“I trust you with my life,” he says. “How long is this supposed to last?”

“Should already be wearing off,” James says. “By the time we wake up, the effects should be gone.

“There weren’t any effects,” Ben says with a yawn. James chuckles lightly and kisses the top of Ben’s head. 

“Goodnight, Ben.”

“Goodnight, James,” Ben murmurs, quickly drifting off. 

  
  
  



End file.
